In case it’s not apparent the post title is a nod to the classic film Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
I’m tired. My sleep has become biphasic. After work I nod off from 7p to 11p, then wake up, eat dinner, go back to bed at 2am, then wake up at 6am to do it all over again. Life has become a series of never-ending virtual meetings, commuting, sleep, and Youtube binges. By the end of the week I cannot even muster the energy to socialize with the people who matter in my life, and it’s taking a toll. My mood sours and I have no real recourse on how to fix this destructive work-life balance I’ve now found myself in.
It’s happened before years ago at another company and I literally packed my things and disappeared for the sake of my health when it became too much. I may do something similar now but in my mind I want to do the old habit of giving my employer 2 weeks notice and seeing where that goes. Most importantly I should have a job lined up before I decide to exit and a plan of what to do next.
The good news here is that with the few prospective companies I’ve talked to over the course of July, they’ve mentioned that fully remote and relocation are options for me. I’m very flexible when it comes to where I live, and frankly I fancy getting the hell out of the city I’m in if it means I get to go somewhere new and be someone else. Maybe I can reinvent myself. Maybe I can find that spark again that made everything worth it. Maybe I can even find a partner. I’ve come to terms with the worst experiences of my past and I’m comfortable living above my demons instead of trying to force them out. It’s been a real wakeup call for me as it required a serious attitude adjustment and a lot of self-help, patience, and forgiveness.
So to add to the already-hectic 50-hour work weeks I’ll now need to begin a study regimen of 20 hours a week to get used to interviewing again. I’ve bought some flash cards to get started on memorizing important terms and jargon again. It’s like going back to university but at a much faster pace. I’m like 60% sure my brain still works well enough to do this because if it doesn’t, I’ll be trapped at my current job until I’m sharp enough to land another role in a better place. So by that metric it absolutely has to work. Again, I’ll forgive myself and just get back on the wagon and continue interviewing if things don’t pan out because somewhere out there, there’s a job and a city that will treat me like a human being and not a record in a database.
That’s all I’ve got for now. Over and out.
The Life and Times 